You’re Still You

Before I went in for surgery a co-worker of mine told me that I might feel depressed after surgery and that I might go through a grieving process at the loss of my reproductive parts. I just looked at her and said, “I kind of doubt it”. I didn’t want to argue with her but anyone who really knows me knows that I’m just not hard wired that way.

This Friday will be four weeks post-hysterectomy. My sister asked me if I noticed any changes, like feeling more emotional. My answer was “no”. But then every time I react to something I think, “Is this it? Am I more emotional now?” Not that it would be a bad thing to be more emotional because in my life, the people around me have been critical about my lack of emotion. I’ve even thought something might be wrong with me that I’m not more emotional. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always shed a tear for orphaned babies or puppies or any of the Bud Light commercials that feature the horses but when it comes to emotional baggage and wearing it on my sleeve? Not so much…. I go sleeveless.

Last week I witnessed the passenger of a vehicle that was stopped in front of my neighbor’s house toss his trash into her yard. I about lost my mind over it. Having been just out of the shower and dressed, I still had my slippers on and my hair was drying naturally, which meant I had BIG hair. When I saw the guy throw his trash I bolted out the door pointing and yelling at him to pick it up. He didn’t budge but the driver started to get out of his truck like he was going to “get in my face”.  I told him he was barking up the wrong tree and that he better get his ass right back in his truck, which he did. I’m not a particularly big or tough woman but I don’t carry a lot of fear either and I think that alone had these guys a little afraid of me, all 5’1 of me. It was weird. Later I thought I might have overreacted and I wondered if it had anything to do with “mood swings”. Nah… I would have done that a month ago. I don’t crusade over every little thing, but my neighbor works hard at keeping her house/lawn looking nice and I couldn’t let this one slide.

My point is this: if you BRCA sisters decide to go full on hysterectomy or oophorectomy, you’ll still be YOU post-operation. Yes, it hurtles you into what they like to call surgical menopause but with or without your lady parts, you’re still you. Most likely your doctor isn’t going to want to put you on Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) due to your risk of breast cancer (if you still have your breasts) so unless it’s completely unbearable, you won’t have the HRT to ward off mood swings or hot flashes.

But if you’re lucky, like me, you won’t have those pesky side effects of menopause. They might come later, who knows… There have been time when I’m sleeping at night, I wake up and I’m too hot but I can’t tell if that’s a hot flash or not. It doesn’t happen during the day so again, who knows…. A little acne showed up on my face after the first week but that has since cleared up. So far the only solid thing I’ve noticed is feeling tired more easily. A friend of mine who is a physical therapist told me that the anesthesia from the surgery stays in your fat cell for six months so when you’re tired, you should sleep. I have a hard time believing that but the fact remains that I do feel more tired than I normally would.

Besides being able to walk my dogs again (2 1/2 weeks post-op), I’ve been driving to Red Rocks Amphitheatre (also where I work) to walk the stairs. I’m not running or lifting yet but hopefully I’ll be able to after my check up in two more weeks. It does my heart good to be passing people on the stairs. I’m not as out of shape as I feared I would be.

A few tips to getting back to normal life:

• Ask for help when you need it
• Eat really healthy
• Walk as often as you can — don’t let people wait on you all the time; do things for yourself (except when it involves lifting anything over the weight of a gallon of milk)
• If you don’t feel like seeing people, ask them to stay away
• Shower daily — seems silly to even mention but it’s important
• Get outside — the sunshine and fresh air will help you feel more like yourself

The weather has been so beautiful in Denver, which makes me want to be outside all the time. In two more weeks I’m counting on being cleared for any activity, which means I’ll be able to get my gardens ready. But knowing Mother Nature, she’s probably got one or two more snow storms in store for us so I should probably just be patient and wait until after Mother’s Day, like any good gardener would do!

Happy almost-Spring!