You’re Still You

Before I went in for surgery a co-worker of mine told me that I might feel depressed after surgery and that I might go through a grieving process at the loss of my reproductive parts. I just looked at her and said, “I kind of doubt it”. I didn’t want to argue with her but anyone who really knows me knows that I’m just not hard wired that way.

This Friday will be four weeks post-hysterectomy. My sister asked me if I noticed any changes, like feeling more emotional. My answer was “no”. But then every time I react to something I think, “Is this it? Am I more emotional now?” Not that it would be a bad thing to be more emotional because in my life, the people around me have been critical about my lack of emotion. I’ve even thought something might be wrong with me that I’m not more emotional. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always shed a tear for orphaned babies or puppies or any of the Bud Light commercials that feature the horses but when it comes to emotional baggage and wearing it on my sleeve? Not so much…. I go sleeveless.

Last week I witnessed the passenger of a vehicle that was stopped in front of my neighbor’s house toss his trash into her yard. I about lost my mind over it. Having been just out of the shower and dressed, I still had my slippers on and my hair was drying naturally, which meant I had BIG hair. When I saw the guy throw his trash I bolted out the door pointing and yelling at him to pick it up. He didn’t budge but the driver started to get out of his truck like he was going to “get in my face”.  I told him he was barking up the wrong tree and that he better get his ass right back in his truck, which he did. I’m not a particularly big or tough woman but I don’t carry a lot of fear either and I think that alone had these guys a little afraid of me, all 5’1 of me. It was weird. Later I thought I might have overreacted and I wondered if it had anything to do with “mood swings”. Nah… I would have done that a month ago. I don’t crusade over every little thing, but my neighbor works hard at keeping her house/lawn looking nice and I couldn’t let this one slide.

My point is this: if you BRCA sisters decide to go full on hysterectomy or oophorectomy, you’ll still be YOU post-operation. Yes, it hurtles you into what they like to call surgical menopause but with or without your lady parts, you’re still you. Most likely your doctor isn’t going to want to put you on Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) due to your risk of breast cancer (if you still have your breasts) so unless it’s completely unbearable, you won’t have the HRT to ward off mood swings or hot flashes.

But if you’re lucky, like me, you won’t have those pesky side effects of menopause. They might come later, who knows… There have been time when I’m sleeping at night, I wake up and I’m too hot but I can’t tell if that’s a hot flash or not. It doesn’t happen during the day so again, who knows…. A little acne showed up on my face after the first week but that has since cleared up. So far the only solid thing I’ve noticed is feeling tired more easily. A friend of mine who is a physical therapist told me that the anesthesia from the surgery stays in your fat cell for six months so when you’re tired, you should sleep. I have a hard time believing that but the fact remains that I do feel more tired than I normally would.

Besides being able to walk my dogs again (2 1/2 weeks post-op), I’ve been driving to Red Rocks Amphitheatre (also where I work) to walk the stairs. I’m not running or lifting yet but hopefully I’ll be able to after my check up in two more weeks. It does my heart good to be passing people on the stairs. I’m not as out of shape as I feared I would be.

A few tips to getting back to normal life:

• Ask for help when you need it
• Eat really healthy
• Walk as often as you can — don’t let people wait on you all the time; do things for yourself (except when it involves lifting anything over the weight of a gallon of milk)
• If you don’t feel like seeing people, ask them to stay away
• Shower daily — seems silly to even mention but it’s important
• Get outside — the sunshine and fresh air will help you feel more like yourself

The weather has been so beautiful in Denver, which makes me want to be outside all the time. In two more weeks I’m counting on being cleared for any activity, which means I’ll be able to get my gardens ready. But knowing Mother Nature, she’s probably got one or two more snow storms in store for us so I should probably just be patient and wait until after Mother’s Day, like any good gardener would do!

Happy almost-Spring!

I’m a Hyster-Sister

Last Friday, the 20th, finally came and I was ready! I checked in at the surgical desk a couple minutes early and a nurse came to get me a few minutes later. I had no nerves, no fear, no second thoughts. If I could have undergone a hysterectomy four months earlier, I would have. In the pre-op room, the nurse had me change into a hospital gown and nonslip socks and then sent me for a urine sample to make sure I’m not pregnant… She covered me with warm blankets before getting the IV started and then she took samples of my blood to check my kidney function and blood counts.

The surgery before me took longer than expected, which pushed my surgery back by almost 2 hours so I sent a quick text to a couple of people to let them know we were delayed. Dr. A came in to see me, as well as her assisting physician, resident physician, and the anesthesiologist. All were friendly, positive, and attentive. In fact, every single person I encountered at the hospital was personable, caring, and kind. When it was time to go, a nurse pushed my pre-op bed down a maze of halls and into the destination operating room where I moved from one bed to the other. The anesthesiologist asked me to lay back where he gave me an oxygen mask and said he was about to give me the “I don’t care medicine”.  And that was it! I woke up several hours later in the recovery room.

I asked the nurse in the recovery room how the surgery went and she assured me it all went well. I stayed still just listening with my eyes closed until they wheeled me to my room where I’d spend the night. I went from feeling alert’ish to asleep’ish to somewhere in between. I don’t remember much except that my bottom lip hurt, my throat felt phlegmy and dry, and when I opened my eyes I seemed to see two of everything. But I wasn’t that uncomfortable. For dinner I ordered chicken noodle soup and crackers because you can never really go wrong there. My nurse had me take a walk down the hall, which was tricky. I felt fine starting off but quickly felt weak and a little light headed. Afterwards, she decided it was time to take my catheter out, which is never really pleasant, but at least it’s a step in the right direction.

For as often as the nurses woke me up during the night to take my vital signs, I felt rested in the morning. I got up several times to use the bathroom so they knew I was well hydrated. My only problem was my blood pressure, which refused to go higher than 80/50, but the doctor said that since my pulse rate was normal, they’d go ahead and discharge me.

I was home by 11am on Saturday, tired but happy to have it all behind me. By Sunday I was really sore but doing my best to get up from time to time to walk the house. Monday I decided the Percocet was too much so I decided to stop taking it. Percocet makes me feel fuzzy, it makes my blood pressure stay low, and it causes constipation so I decided it might be worth a little discomfort to not feel so “blah”. I also dropped the Ibuprofen because I worry about the demand it puts on my liver and kidneys but when a fever started creeping up, I went right back on it. That night I slept 12 hours. Yesterday (Tuesday) was a pretty good day. I dropped my dosage of Ibuprofen to 400mg every 4-6 hours. This morning (Wednesday) is day 5 post op and besides feeling a little pressure in the abdomen and the skin is a little sensitive, like it’s been bruised, I don’t really have pain.

Speaking of pain, I want to bring something up. I’m not one who runs to a pill every time I feel the slightest pain. In fact, my first thought is to drink more water or to adjust my nutrition. Going into surgery is different though. I knew I’d have to have help managing the pain but I was afraid of side effects and of course, how it would affect other organs. So, I did a little investigating. There’s quite a bit of misinformation about medical/recreational marijuana but as with any drug, it has it’s benefits. I wasn’t interested in smoking a joint or anything like that but I was very concerned about nausea after surgery or sleeplessness due to pain.  So I talked to a friend who schooled me in the world of Cannabis. Based on what I learned, I went to a dispensary (it’s sold legally in Colorado) where another friend of mine works and she was able to point me in the right direction. I bought a vape pen, hash oils (CBD for pain and THC for nausea) and some patches, that last for 12 hours. The nice thing about a vape pen is that it is unable to give you more than one dose at a time so for someone like me, who doesn’t smoke weed, it’s a good thing so I don’t over do it. The patches are completely odorless and effective. I used both of the patches and have only needed the vape pen once but I love having the option of going to something other than a narcotic (Percocet) to alleviate pain or discomfort, especially without the side effects like constipation or stress to other organs. It’s all about choices, really!!

At this point, I’m ready to move on with my life for a while. I know fully that breast cancer is my higher risk but I’m not ready to walk down the Double Mastectomy Road just yet. My labs from the hysterectomy came back benign so I’ll relish in that for a few minutes.

A geneticist with a huge heart

A New York Times article posted yesterday features one of my personal heroes, Mary-Claire King, who discovered the BRCA gene and identified its mutations as harmful to the human body, particularly as it relates to breast, ovarian, pancreatic, and skin health. It’s a great interview and I’m thankful for her tenacity, courage, and progressive thinking.